Fear of the Ask

February 21, 2010 | | Leave a Comment

PatrickThis post was inspired by a recent discussion on LinkedIn.  The topic was fear of the ask; why are fundraisers afraid to make the ask and what can be done about it?

It is only by connecting at an emotional level with the intentions of the donor that we can acheive the highest and best of what or donors, and our organizations, have to offer.

Part of the problem is that people fear rejection, the cultural taboo against asking for money, and the lack of training or practice.  Asking others for money is uncomfortable for many people. Number one is a belief in the cause; when fundraisers have a passion for the mission of their organization the ask becomes easier to make.  Embarrassment, caused by troubles within the organization, can prevent fundraisers from asking, too. In Kaiser’s Art of the Turnaround, he writes about this particular issue in connection with the Royal Opera.  When the organization is troubled, board members don’t have any friends to ask or recommend.  Once things turn around, the board regains its pride and suddenly they all have friends again and they are ready to ask.

In Good to Great, Collins discusses the importance of having the right people in the right ‘seat on the bus’.  Are the right people in the right positions in your fundraising department?

Try role playing and practice the ask.  It is a great idea to make the ask as part of a team- bring the director and someone from the development to the lunch or meeting when you are making the ask.  You’ll have ‘back up’ to answer questions and explain the details.  Sit down with your team before the meeting and do a role play so everyone feels ready to make the ask.

  • Delete words like solicit, ask, beg from your vocabulary; replace them with invite, nurture and listen.
  • Do your research.  Know as much as you can about the program you are requesting money for and as much as you can about the prospective donor.
  • Be realistic about how much you request (yes, do ask for a specific dollar amount)
  • Address the fear of rejection by planning a contingency plan for a no.  Try a lower amount or ask what amount they would feel comfortable with at this time.  You might suggest a multi year pledge. Be creative and prepared with alternatives.
  • Speak to the interests and goals of the donor.  Frame the conversation from the donor’s point of view.
  • Listen and take cues from the donor through out the conversation.
  • Donors want to do something good or be part of the organization so give them the opportunity to do so.
  • Remember it is about giving the donor the opportunity to do something of value.  In the end you want the donor to feel great about making the gift.
  • Thank donors immediately and frequently; let them know they are a vital contributor to the mission.

We may be negotiators, but our job is not to sell our organization–particularly when we are seeking a major gift. If we’re talking to the right prospect at the right time, prepared with a proposal for a gift in support of the right program, then our prospect is already sold.

We should train our novice fundraisers to see themselves as relationship builders and negotiators. We can only bring a prospective donor to their highest philanthropic potential by bringing them closer to us. We do this by 1) reinforcing the fact that they have shown good judgement in supporting us (showing gratitude, demonstrating results); 2) making it about them–helping them see themselves as an important part of our organization and mission (YOU made this possible; without your support this would not have happened); 3) creating consistent contact with the same professionals year after year–which takes continuity in staffing. It is discouraging for donors to find themselves talking with someone new every year.


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